


Encore

by chwangdol



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Abusive Themes, Angst, Canon verse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 02:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4373342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chwangdol/pseuds/chwangdol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'll try not to care about the ways you choose to slowly kill yourself."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Encore

**Author's Note:**

> Two separate stories that are related in theme. Unedited and written in one sitting, so read at your own risk and please point out any mistakes. Please.

The split is harder on Yunho than on Changmin. Which only makes sense. He's the leader, so he feels the blame.

And Yunho isn’t good at dealing with his emotions. He prides himself at being calm and collected; he lets Changmin do enough crying for both of them, but he doesn’t know how to let his own feelings out. He doesn’t know how to get over the hurt the split causes.

Eventually he drowns his anger and sadness in booze. It’s a sad, pathetic drinking game. He’ll sit by himself with fan forums and news sites open, taking a drink every time a new rumor pops up.

Changmin tells him to ignore what the fans are saying, to ignore what _they’re_ saying, but Yunho can’t. If their fans think poorly of them then they’re over.

They’re definitely over.

Most nights Changmin gets tired of dealing with his mopey ass, so either he leaves or Yunho gets kicked out.

He goes out drinking with his friends and wanders around nearly deserted night streets blending in with the other pathetic drunks who have nothing going for them.

TVXQ is over. His life on the stage is over. What’s he supposed to do now? Choreograph? Be a backup dancer? He probably couldn’t even do that it would just be sabotage to any group he worked with.

He’s jealous of Changmin. This wasn’t ever his dream; he always dreamt about having a normal life, and now he can. He can go study abroad and go travelling without worrying about schedules and crazy fans.

Changmin’s so lucky.

He reaches his breaking point when he walks into Changmin putting on his shoes when he returns from a night of drinking.

His mind is clear enough to notice the suitcase behind him and place everything together.

“You’re leaving, too?” he slurs out, and Changmin gives him a look of pity.

“I’m just going to go stay with my family for a bit. This place holds too many memories, and,” he pauses, and Yunho narrows his eyes.

“And you’re sick of me?”

“I’m not sick of you,” Changmin explains calmly, reaching out a hand to steady him, “I’m sick of you being like this and not caring about anything. It hurts to see you like this, and I’m not feeling well enough to give you the care you need. I’m going home, and I think you should do the same. Your family wouldn’t want this for you.”

Changmin’s words mush together in Yunho’s mind. The only words that stand out are “sick of you,” and “I’m going.”

“You can’t leave me,” Yunho tells him.

Changmin sighs, “Yunho go lay down. I’ll call you in the morning when you’re sober.”

Yunho snarls and takes a step closer to him, “You don’t get to just tell me what to do!” he yells at him, “You think because there’s no group I’m suddenly not your hyung anymore? You think I’m not your leader anymore? I am! So fucking listen to me and unpack your shit because there is no way in hell you’re leaving me!” he’s yelling so close to his face that Changmin has to wipe his spit from his face.

If Yunho was sober he could’ve seen the fear in his eyes, and he would’ve apologized for an hour. He would’ve driven Changmin to his family home himself and bowed his head in shame to his parents because these people expect him to take care of their child, and he’s failed them, just like he failed his group.

“Yunho, please,” Changmin tries. He keeps his voice steady despite the obvious fear there. Yunho’s not the type to let his anger out like this, and on the occasions he has seen Yunho this angry it was never directed at him, “Please, you’re scaring me, and my parents are expecting me soon.”

“What don’t you understand?” he shouts at him, “I said you can’t fucking leave me. You said you wouldn’t! You said that, and now you’re leaving just like them.”

Yunho takes a step closer and Changmin stands his ground. Over the years he’s let his hyungs walk all over him, and he won’t let that start happening with Yunho too.

“You can’t fucking leave,” Yunho repeats, right in his face, and Changmin’s nose wrinkles at the strong smell of alcohol in his breath.

He’s shaking, and he really doesn’t know what he thinks will happen when he shoves Yunho and makes for the door, but he guesses he was hoping he’d make it out and they could pretend this whole thing never happened. That’s always been their approach to fights. Let it out, avoid each other a few days, and then go back to normal.

It’s not necessarily healthy, but neither are very good at expressing their emotions through words, so it’s the easiest.

What really happens is Yunho grabs him and pulls him back. If Changmin hadn’t been staying in shape for his drama he would’ve tumbled into the ground, but he’s able to steady himself.

“Let go, Yunho,” he yells and swallows when he sees tears start to spill down Yunho’s face.

“You’re not leaving me,” Yunho repeats, and the moment Changmin wrenches free from his grip he backhands him right across the face.

Changmin holds his face in shock and attempts to push past Yunho again. Yunho feels anger take over and he shoves him back, harder this time, and Changmin does end up on the floor.

“You’re not fucking leaving me,” he yells at him again, getting down on top of him to cage him down there.

Changmin’s at loss of what to do. Yunho doesn’t get angry like this. Yunho’s never hit him. He’s gotten into physical fights with the other members but never with Yunho. Yunho’s his precious leader, and Changmin’s his precious maknae. He would never hurt him like this.

Instead of fighting back he shields his face. He doesn’t want to hurt his hyung, especially when he knows he’s not in the right mind.

Yunho raises his fist to hit him again, but then he freezes. He’s never seen Changmin look so afraid. And he’s caused it. It makes him feel sick to his stomach, and he has to roll off of him.

Changmin makes a run for the door, and Yunho lets him.

He can’t believe he let himself get that angry so out of control, and it disturbs him even more how great the hit had felt initially. It felt amazing to finally let out his anger until he had seen the look on Changmin’s face.

He has to get it out before he sees Changmin again.

When he wakes up in the morning it’s because manager hyung is kicking his side.

He’s asleep in the middle of their living room with a mess surrounding him. The cushions are all of the couch, and there’s a giant crack on the TV. The wooden coffee table is broken, and Yunho’s never felt more ashamed.

“You really went to town on the place,” manager hyung comments, and Yunho groans and hides his face, “Changmin called me to bring his stuff over to his parents’ house, but it looks like it’s not packed anymore.”

Yunho sits up to examine more of the damage. Changmin’s once neatly packed belongings are strewn about the living room and kitchen, and his suitcase lays on the floor with a decent dent in the drywall above it.

He wants to say something to explain to manager hyung but there’s nothing to explain. He’d lost it. All that famous control and he finally lost it.

“This isn’t the correct way to be dealing with this,” manager hyung tells him, “The company can get you into a shrink if you want. You could take up boxing if that’d make you feel better.”

Yunho groans again, “How are you so calm about this? I trashed the place.”

Manager hyung smiles at him, “I’ve managed much more troubled idols than you. This is definitely not the worst I’ve seen.”

Yunho spends the rest of the day cleaning despite his headache, and pays for all of the repair costs himself.

Two weeks later he’s standing on the porch of the Shim house with a plastic bag full of Changmin’s favorite takeout.

Eventually Changmin’s dad opens the door. He smiles at him and gleefully invites him in. Yunho feels bad for smiling back. He feels bad for accepting his kindness. He feels bad that he’s standing in their house after what he’s done.

“This is for Changminnie,” Yunho tells him and hands the bag to him, his dad nods, but can’t get a word out before his wife speaks for him.

“He’ll take it up to him,” she says and then addresses Yunho, “I’d like to have a word with you.”

They sit down at the table, and Yunho feels another wave of guilt crash into him. Changmin and his mother share the talent of letting an expression speak for them, and his mother’s current one has Yunho feeling smaller and shittier than he’s ever felt before.

“I know you already feel guilty, so I won’t lecture you,” she begins, and the way she speaks is so similar to Changmin that it’s a little hard for Yunho to listen without wanting to rip out his heart and just die right there, “But I want you to remember that you mean the world to Changmin. He’s looked up to you since the day you met and seeing someone you admire and respect hurt themselves like you did is hard. He’s not used to having the responsibility of taking care of someone, especially not his hyung, but I think you need someone to take care of you.”

If anyone else had said that to him he would’ve protested, scoffed and told them he’s not a child. But Changmin’s mom isn’t someone you argue with like that, and he feels more like a child than ever right now.

“So let him, alright? Talk to him and remember you’re not going through this alone. You two are dreadfully independent and make a self-destructive pair, but I know you can learn to support each other.”

Yunho looks up at her and reads all the unspoken words through her eyes, “ _That’s my baby boy and you better not hurt him again.”_

Changmin and his mother may seem emotionless at times, but Yunho knows better than anyone how deeply they love each other. He engulfs her in a hug the moment they stand up, and she seems a little uncomfortable at first, but then she hugs him back and tells him to go upstairs and see Changmin.

He almost breaks down into tears when he sees Changmin. A little part of himself had convinced him that he really had left like the others, but seeing him again, shoveling up the food he brought him reaffirms that Changmin will never leave him like that.

“I missed you,” he tells him, and then remembers that’s not what he meant to say, “I’m sorry,” he tries again, and Changmin smiles at him.

He has a mouth full of food so he doesn’t say anything. Instead he just holds out a serving of rice to him.

\--

Yunho’s brushing his teeth in his en suite when a pair of people come crashing into his room. He freezes and peeks through the crack in the door. It’s dark in his room, but one giggle and he recognizes one of the people immediately. Changmin. Changmin’s barging into his apartment at an ungodly hour and bringing along a friend.

And oh… oh. Him and his friend are very drunk and apparently also very horny.

One moan from Changmin and Yunho drops his toothbrush.

He looks down at it in mourning before kicking it away and swallowing down his toothpaste. He doesn’t want to make this situation more awkward than it already is. Changmin doesn’t need to know he’s there.

“Light. Light,” he hears someone say, and the voice sounds familiar. Oh god? Is that Kyuhyun? He peeks out again when his bedside lamp comes on only to have his fears confirmed. Changmin has to be very impaired if he’s sleeping with Kyuhyun – and in Yunho’s apartment to make it even worse.

There’s rustle of sheets and clothes and more moans. More giggles from Changmin and less angelic sounds from Kyuhyun. He may sing beautifully, but that beauty doesn’t seem to translate into the sounds he makes during sex. Unlike Changmin, Yunho notes. Although he already knew this.

He’s had a few drunken nights with Changmin not unlike this one and a few not so drunk ones where they’d both been desperate and a little too lonely.

He’s ashamed by his actions, but he continues to watch through the crack.

Changmin’s laughing and trying to kiss Kyuhyun even when he’s scrambling for the lube in Yunho’s drawers. He’s nuzzling into his neck and whispering things to him, and it hurts to see.

Underneath the somewhat perverted image Changmin’s really a romantic. He falls hard and easily, and when he’s drunk all his friends are suddenly The One and easily dateable.

It hurts because everyone just laughs and calls it cute, but no one will address the problem that is there. Changmin wants to be loved so bad. He wants a real love, a two-sided one, one where he worships the person he’s with and they worship him back. Sober Changmin can see how unrealistic that is, but drunk Changmin can’t.

He looks away, but he still hears him yell out his love for Kyuhyun and hears the grunts Kyuhyun replies with.

He waits until he’s sure their sleeping before going out to the living room and attempting to sleep on the couch.

It’s weird the things he’ll do to keep his relationship with Changmin stable.

He’s returning from his early morning smoke on the balcony when Kyuhyun leaves his room.

Kyuhyun looks up at him, and there’s an unmistakable look of panic in his eyes.

Yunho will admit he’s angry. He’s angry that Changmin’s stuck with drunk fucks where his temporary lover leaves before he even wake up. He deserves better than that. So much fucking better than that.

Kyuhyun bows at him once, twice, three times. He squeaks out an, “I’m sorry,” before speed-walking out the door in his socks.

He doesn’t come back for his shoes, and Yunho didn’t expect him to.

After that incident he decides he deserves another smoke.

It’s only after his second cigarette that his mind is cleared and he’s decided that he’s had enough of his and Changmin’s confusing and non-confrontational relationship.

He walks into his room, and waits until Changmin cracks an eye open.

“You didn’t even text before you showed up. That’s a little rude.”

Changmin blinks the sleep out of his eyes and sits up to examine his surroundings. He looks down at himself and then up at Yunho.

“Did we..?” he begins, and Yunho shakes his head.

“You thought it’d be a good idea to bring over Kyuhyun and let him fuck you in my bed. Guess it was more conveniently located.”

Changmin’s lips purse into a tight line, “I’m sorry,” he tells him, “You know neither of us make good decisions when we’re drunk.”

“Well then maybe you should make the good decision to not get drunk as much.”

The pursed lips turn into a frown, “Sorry I enjoy having fun.”

“Your fun isn’t healthy,” Yunho reminds him.

“And neither is your relaxation. You destroy your lungs, and I’ll destroy my liver. I’m not judging you, so you shouldn’t judge me.”

Yunho scoffs, “Well I don’t turn into a needy whore every time I smoke.”

Changmin looks taken aback by the comment.

He doesn’t respond and just hops off the bed and retrieves his clothes. He scrambles around getting dressed while Yunho stands around angrily. It’s easily the most passive-aggressive fight they’ve had, filled with lots of dirty looks and a quick time out where Yunho retrieves a pair of sweats for Changmin when he almost falls over trying to get his jeans back on.

They don’t talk for a few days except for when they’re forced to work together, and Changmin’s the first to break the silence with a simple text.

From: Changdol

_I’m sorry :(_

Yunho types out seven different replies before he just ends up calling him.

“I’m not mad at you for having sex with Kyuhyun in my bed. I mean it’s kind of annoying because I had to wash the sheets, and I keep thinking about him fucking you every time I enter my bedroom… which… probably is my own problem. I’m sorry for saying that.”

Changmin’s first response is a small laugh, “You’re mad at me because of the drinking, I know.”

“I’m mad at you because you deserve so much better, Changdol,” he tells him.

Changmin laughs again but this time it sounds pained, “Not really though.”

There’s a long pause where Yunho can’t think of what to say, and then he gives in, “I love you,” he tells him.

“I love you, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> First story obviously happens during the split hiatus. Second one happens in ~2012 pre-Catch Me era.


End file.
